help?

" But the reason your relationships are in such a mess is that you're always trying to figure out what the other person wants and what other people want - instead of what you truly want.

[When is it disempowering to offer help? When does it work against, rather than for, another's growth?
When your help is offered in such a way that it creates continued dependence, rather than rapid independence.
When you allow another, in the name of compassion, to begin to rely on you rather than rely on themselves. That is not compassion, that is compulsion. You have a power compulsion. Because that sort of helping is really power-tripping. Now this distinction can be very subtle here, and sometimes you don't even know you are power-tripping. You really believe you are simply doing your best to help another... yet be careful that you are not simply seeking to create your own self-worth. For to the extent that you allow other persons to make you responsible for them, to that extent you have allowed them to make you powerful. And that, of course, makes you feel worthy.
Yet this kind of help is an aphrodisiac which seduces the weak.
The goal is to help the weak grow strong, not to let the weak become weaker."
-quoted :o