self-inflict

... :) just got reminded by a book..

• everything will happen in time.
• Everything that happens to ourselves, are what we want for ourselves at some point of time.
• "When your mind focuses on describing nonexistent or empty realities, you are, in effect, materializing nothing." .... as in, you make the false reality, a true one.
• When something makes you uncomfortable, instead of reacting immediately, hold that feeling in you and try to figure out the root reason. Then choose an alternative better-feeling way of behaving. Flight-and-flee or fight-and-control isn't that good a way to allow yourself to feel better.

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I guess... what is happening to me now, is what i wanted for myself.. as a punishment. I believe it's time to lighten the sentence.

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I bought 6 of these for $3 at the monthly flea market which was held at red dot museum. It's kind of cute as these was made to resemble christmas crackers. Two people are supposed to hold two ends of the cracker and pull it at the same time. Supposedly, the cracker will explode and whoever is holding on to the longer end, will get to keep the prize hidden in the cracker.

I have one last one left.. Think finger puppets are inside it.. Will try it tmr :o


Flea market near bugis.. A lot of them like to sell remote controls :s


First time I've ever seen an eclipse..




bth, fwot... haha.. at least for the first night of the rites.. For the second day, while the priest was chanting, I used the time for self reflection.. :p


:s First time I wore a mask out.. I had this false impression that nobody will be able to see my eyes and I was able to look at whoever I want.. haha..

Me-Sync

I haven't really been agreeing with what I am doing and thinking. ... David calls it cognitive dissonance which means a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. ... I think mine is a conflict between the ideas of the heart and the mind.


I think I've been losing faith in what i used to believe in. I wanna look at my past blog entries to remind myself of my mindset back then... But do I want that old mindset? ...

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I went clubbing with a few friends last sat. I noticed that my friend wasn't interacting much with her bf. I believed that it will be fun if I get my friend to initiate to be sweet with her bf. So i suggested playing "scissors, paper, stone" with her and if she loses, she has to kiss her bf on the cheek. She lost :p After she approached her bf, who was a few steps away with his friend, to give him a peck on his cheek, she returned. Then I saw her bf having this surprised look, which soon turned into a smiling look. Then we played the same game again, which requires her to kiss her bf on the mouth this time around. ... She lost again.. hahaha.. She went up to kiss her bf and came back to us again. This time around, her bf approached her with a cheeky look, and hugged and kissed her... *awwwww* I super liked what I did :) hahaha..

Barrier-free Friendship

I didn't realize the reason why a few of my friends were posing with this smiley mouth on their fb profile. It's only after asking that I learnt that it was a charity thingy that Macdonald's is doing. $2 for a smile :o


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There's super duper a long list of choices for tea at TWG! Maybe a reason why so many people visit the place, is because they just want to try every tea over there?

Anyway, I think PS cafe is better than TWG... :s


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New perspective on display items: The sales assistants will choose the best looking one to put it on display so it may not be that bad an idea to buy it if you have any interest in the product.

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One day, Mr and Mrs Gingerbread Man went to the sweetshop to get some new accessories..



Don't they look nice with the new accessories?

... :6

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Saw this really huge bear at the soft toy shop at Kallang Point.. Can't help myself from hugging it.. haha..


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Nostalgic photos that I saw in my friend's iphones..



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I guess I just prefer friends without walls.

Me-flection time

I've been spending a lot of time hanging and catching up with friends. It has sorta been an eye opening experiences going to those new places. ... But are these all distractions? ... :8 I have always wanted to see new things, people and places.. *shrugs*

The sentosa outing that made me an indian..



The walk in the heavy rain that made me wet.. very wet :s


Look closely, and you will be able to see the rain drops on my watch :s







I like to drink Teh-O, especially after meals. It helps to remove the oily feeling any other random tastes in my mouth.


Indoor paintball with classmates. The good thing about it, was that it was very comfortable because of the air conditioning. The bad thing was that it was too comfortable and I felt too lethargic to move :s



My friend's dad gambles at MBS and has a free room. He invited a few friends over.. which I was included in la..


It was super cool and the scenery was quite fantastic. It is a lot like the view from The Peak in Hong Kong...


First time trying in coloured contacts.. I bought it because it was cheaper to get two pairs. As in, Candice bought one only, so I just got the other pair. I don't think it's very obvious in this photo. David said I looked super hiao and super gay with it.. haha..




I just find it funny, finding an asian cheap cuisine on a western atas menu.. haha..


I think I could get used to the high life.. sipping wine on Dempsey Hill, chit chatting with friends.. haha.. Kind of inconvenient though.. haha..


Super good-looking steamboat right??



Think I wanna go back to the Imperial Treasure restaurant at Ion again..



You guys know about the japanese magazines that come with free bags or pouches and stuff? I bought some as christmas gifts :o With my friend's help, we were doing some quality checks on a few freebies.





FAT BOYS has a lot of different kinds of burgers! And their names already sounds a lot more appealing than Botak Jones... :8 No offense to the restaurant.


I think this is the first time I enjoyed Japanese curry. Think it is because i was able to specify the level of spicyness that I want. I'm just not happy with the amount of ingredients :/



Met up with a few uni friends last night......... I can only say that I don't know how to crap... :6




I kinda miss jr. Don't meet up much but he just seems so stable, so... there..



Maybe I should set up a photo album on facebook for photos of friends taken with my camera.. like what ben is doing..

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grrr.. got a bit pissed off because I didn't like people to chide me without knowing the reason why I behave in a certain way.

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There is one thing that I have observed recently. Different friends or groups of friends talk about different stuff. There is the crapping and joking part, work or school part, sharing of general knowledge part, feelings part and updates part. (don't know whether i missed anything out)

There are some parts that I prefer and some that I don't.. haha..

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I have been spending most of my time with my friends, and with the little me-time i have, I waste it on manga and anime :s I wanna give myself more time to work on myself.

I want to be a better person. I've been quite diligent in my daily morning exercises and swim/run/workouts, and I have not really been binge eating. So the physical part has been taken care of. For the mental part, hmmm... I do try to read the papers once in a while... :p I guess I should also incorporate the reading of notes for the modules of the previous sem. Maybe half an hour each day? For the spiritual part, which would simply be translated into self-reflection and taking action on it part... I don't know what to do for it.. haha.. :8

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How your Feeling Habits Develop

"Let's take a little journey back to that time after you were born when you were still operating as an empathic and vibrationally sensitive organism, before you learned words and bilt up layers of explanation, identity, and coping mechanisms. You were merged with your environment and, like a dolphin, sent out your own brand of sonar, learning to navigate by what expanded without limit into the world and bt what bounced back to you. You were like a miniature sun, beaming out clear light, love and joy to anyone who wanted to be in it. As your unconditional love reached your parents and other influential people around you, wherever they had maintained their ability to love and feel empathy, your sonar passed through and your reality was validated, perhaps even magnified. You could feel the truth of your soul there in that particular sensation: it might even be called pleasure. A healthy childhood is marked by this kind of soul validation.

But wherever your parents or others had learned to be afraid, shut down their hearts, developed distrust, or rejected joy, your sonar bounced back to you. Perhaps your father shut off his playfulness as a child because his parents were stern, and he unconsciously took on that strictness and the belief that all child need discipline. When your boundless joy hits his rigid beliefs and "thickened" emotions, you can't experience yourself. Instead, you sense something is wrong but don't know enough to know what it is. When it first occurs, that bounce-back pproduces in you-the-organism a strange sense of disorientation and lack of reality. Here is something that is "not-self," that is slower, denser, sharper, and darker than what you are. Here is the beginning of the experience of an outside world, of separation from life, of fear and an ego. These are foreign sensations - and they feel like pain.

You-the-organism are energy efficient and looking for love to sustain you. You learn that your energy doesn't bounce back uncomfortably if you adapt your behavior to match your parents' beliefs and unconscious body postures. You copy them and stop trying to express yourself when you can't get through. You won't be expansively creative if you're punished for it. You stop being affectionate if it makes your parents uncomfortable and rigid. You stop radiating warmly from your chest and eyes if your mother;s eyes are unresponsive or your father's heart is hard. You learn to be silent because your mother is more relaxed then, or walk like your father because it validates him, or act funny because the moments of laughter feel better than the absences created by your workaholic parents.

You learn to flow your energy where it can flow and resign yourself to no movement in many areas. you mistake agreement with your parents' beliefs, emotional biases, and body postures for love. If you can't get soul validation, you take what you can, even if it's only crumbs, to survive. If you encounter out0and-out abuse, the intense contraction responses in your organisms can severely stunt your growth, physically and spiritually. In this way, your early feeling habits begin. You hold your body a certain way, run only a certain kind of energy and intensity, and only allow a percentage of your full self to radiate without monitoring it. You define yourself as this kind of person and life as functioning according to these rules."

- "frequency" by Penney Pierce

Knowing why we behave in certain ways, makes it easier for us to change ourselves or how we treat others.. if we want to.