free r/s.. who wants one? :p

I climbed down this looonnnggg flight of stairs only to find out that the doors to the connecting building was locked and i had to climb up the same flight of stairs... :/

Flowers along the rooftop walk.



This is me giving tuition to one of my tuition kids. I don't normally take out my camera during tuitions k... but he's super cute la :p

I was reading through my friend's blog when i saw something quite true... "Who actually bothers to know us beyond what we present daily?" ... I think a lot of people might have this thinking... but, do we do the same for others?

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It is the freedom we give each other that connects us.

In order to illustrate the fact that others are not present in our lives to meet our needs ( even though they may contribute in that regard), i referred to the relationship with my wife for two reasons. The first is that for a long time i was a bachelor, panicking at the idea of emotional commitment and particularly fearing having to meet all the needs of my partner while ignoring my own. In my amorous relationships, as soon as the notion of "couple" threatened to materialize, i managed to sabotaged the relationship, "courageously" relinquishing the decision to the woman i was seeing. Systematically, i would take neither the decision to go on and commit nor the decision to end the relationship and disengage. I now know that my fear was a sign of the following needs:

• The need to be reassured that i could be myself while being with another: not one or the other, but one and the other.
• The need to be able to continue my journey toward myself while going toward another: not only one or the other, but one and the other.
• The need to be able to exchange affection, understanding, and support, without having to assume responsibility for another or risk being taken charge of ( i.e., "mothered") by another.

In a word, the need to be in a relationship with a person with sufficient inner strength and self-esteem to be autonomous and responsible, who would love me for who i am and not for who she might wish me to be and whom i would love for who she is and not for who i might dream she would be.
I did not want to spend the rest of my life responsible for meeting another's needs for affection, security or recognition, nor having another to be there to make good my deficiencies. I therefore had a deep need for both of us to identify and experience those needs ( affection, security, recognition) in order to be sure that if the other person could naturally contribute to meeting them ( doubtless more than any other person), she was not the only one able to do so. This space for freedom, breathing, and trust was indispensable in order for me to be able to commit. Today, i deeply enjoy the blessing of sharing this mutual understanding with my wife. I now know that it is this freedom that we mutually offer that brings us so close to each other.
The second reason i wanted to talk about my relationship with my wife is that i have observed during my individual consultations with so many people, both alone or together, who experience difficulties relating to such issues:

• "I stopped myself from existing so that they could exist, so they wouldn't be afraid, feel abandoned."
• "I haven't allowed myself to be myself ( and besides, i didn't even know that one could be oneself) so as not to upset and worry them."
• "I've forced myself to do the housework and keep my job because i was so fearful of their reaction, insecurity, need for recognition, or social and family integration."
• "I did everything for them; I was stifling myself for them."
• "I dare not be myself when i'm in a relationship; ?I become what the other person expects of me ( or what i think the other person expects of me), or i stay apart, alone."

These difficulties in our relationships could be summed up in one question, which to a greater and greater extent seems to account for a fundamental challenge of our human reality: How can i stay myself while being with another; how can i be with another without ceasing to be myself?
---- quoted from "Being Genuine - Stop being Nice, Start being Real"

Sorry for quoting from this book again but i really think this part is quite share-worthy :o