Wet wet

The weather has been quite consistent for a while... It has been raining everyday.. :8 one good side to this cool/weather, is that the clouds formed during this period, tend to look quite cool too...... Get it? Cool cool? .... .... ... *tickle you to make you laugh*

I need a lot of pamperssss!!! My supplier doesn't have a lot of stock.... Or do I have to be the supplier? .. :8

Omg.. Next week is going to be a rushed one as it is going to be my last week at nie. A few assignments to hand up, two tests to study for.. I can do it as how I have done it everytime!! ... *self pep talk*

Expectations

I feel that my expectations of people had been higher than what they can deliver. and i think I have been avoiding these issues, rather than facing and accepting or changing it. It kinda resulted in my repressing of emotions. I wanna let it out but yet I don't want to hurt anyone.

To change or to sincerely accept? ... I will decide when I come across such situations again.. Haha

Much-needed post

I realized that I haven't been very active in deciding how I want my life to be recently.. Which is emphasized on my recent aura photo.. :8

Decided to start to be active again.. And how I am going to do that, is to be sincerely grateful for all that I have. Just want to point out a few examples...

1) being more responsible about my family (mom, bro and finances)

2) having my career planned out for me for the next couple of years (teaching)

3) having this consistent urge to be with someone, with all the "goods" and the "bads"

4) new friends for a new chance at friendships, old friends for staying

5) for a healthy body which allowed me to accomplish a lot of things

6) for the loads of passive rest that I had, while going with the flow on my life

Will sit down and reorganize my thoughts tmr :o

good day to you!

Happiness…. The more you want to aim for happiness, the more you won’t get it. I agree with what a book has said about happiness.. that it can only be stumbled upon. You only come upon it, when you least expect it. I also believe that it is a by-product, not as a result.

While for love.. it isn’t as elusive as happiness. I do believe that it is possible to love and be loved.. a lot easier if your standards are not relatively high.

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(Just some random thoughts at this moment) ..I miss having the chance to be jealous of someone’s action. I miss having that standard someone to look for when I am bored. I miss being able to freely express my affection without being misunderstood.

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Someone asked me last night as to how to achieve instant happiness or at least, how to achieve happiness quickly. I told him to follow his heart and do whatever the heart tells him to do. You will really feel more comfortable when you stop stopping yourself from doing what you want, just because of “common sense” and “logic”. When you feel more comfortable with yourself, I believe it opens more opportunities for yourself to be happy in the process…

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Someone told me that it makes him feel good to wish others a good day or to be given such greetings... said that his school's culture trained him to greet that to their teachers.. Think it's kinda cool and i like it too :o

kid much

I didn't know I still had it in me to

• to be frightened by my friend who was acting like a zombie, beside me..
• to be saddened by my friend's joke when he said he don't want to be my friend anymore..

.. haha.. Nice.. :p

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I believe that there will be more acceptance when more people see that everybody else is a main character.

One liners

It just came to me that a schizophrenic could be a schizophrenic just to prevent himself/herself from suffering from the bad extreme..

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Recently, I have been walking with my head held high. I really think it is because I didn't want my fringe to cover my forehead.. haha..


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Apart from my friend's regular exercise, he started a no-carbo dinner diet one week ago, and it really allowed his face to become slimmer.. Going to try it, whenever it is convenient :o


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I love big open skies. I realize that one of the reasons why I want to go overseas, is to look at their skies.


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I wonder how many people find me scary... haha..

Wine post

 *caution.. whiny post ahead*

I just feel like I have the power to be numb, but I don't want to. I rather feel sad, then nothing.

I still don't want to compromise the love that I want now. It is not easy trying to be a good person, But I will still be.. I will try..

I feel blue... Need some other bright colours in my life.. haha..

floor bed

Went to "Sauce" for dinner and Haagen Daaz for the cake... Happy Birthday to Candice!! again!!

Jolyn made me so awkward and embarrassed (not in a bad way) that the presents that I bought, are just ordinary items... But I was proud that I chose and bought my own gifts... :p

 Okay, I am going to repeat the same thing that I did yesterday so as to allow me to get into the habit.

I am grateful for the bunches of friends that have always gave me support. Just meeting up Ivy, Terence, Kenneth and Flavian for a while, cheered me up a bit, strengthened me a bit. Junrong was a surprise guest.. haha.. I am kinda grateful that he stayed and accompanied me for a while even when he is supposed to be working :p Another thing I am grateful for, is when my friends share with me about the updates in their lives, and what they really feel about anything.. which always happen whenever I meet up with Candice and Jolyn. I think I am kinda similar to Jolyn, in the sense that, we will try to say out whatever that comes to our mind at that moment, even though we may be at another topic... haha.. Anyway, I wouldn't mind if the three of us were not talking and just chillaxing.. I would still enjoy the company..

Next, what I am going to try to make happen.... (haha.. sounds kinda forced.. but I don't know how to phrase this.. think i need to seek advice from david..)

• as I am going to meet terence, kenneth, ivy, fiona and flavian tmr, I just wanna enjoy the whole company for the whole day!! and contribute to the enjoyment.. 

My habit of sleeping on the floor just because I am tired, happened again.. Woke up an hour ago to shower.. kk... think I should be sleeping now..

Reflect 300512

I am going to try to make this a habit, as what my good friend David has been doing.

Today, I am grateful for

• my Mom who does not impose a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts on me. Even if she did, I am grateful that she is not strong enough to force it onto me... haha..
• my good friend Terence who has high EQ skills and who is always able to make others feel comfortable.
• Terence's friend, Kenneth who was a good and funny company.
• Ivy who treated us to Korean food!!
• Edwin who treats me like his close friend, and who also tries to give me advice while trying not to get angry over the decisions i make.. haha..
• myself for being able to stand up even though my "legs" were weak..

 Next, I would want to

 

•  treat my mom better by giving her more attention each day.
• be a better friend to my good friends, by continuing to be true to them, and to take more initiative to be there for them
• keep on my path to be a better person, by continuing to do what i am doing now. Even results from physical training will take a few days to surface.. so results for the emotional state may take a while too..
• spend less time on distractions each day. e.g. surfing the net for random websites, re-reading manga, less slacking.

Smell actually has a very strong influence on me. Think it's going to take a few

 days for this smell to stop lingering in my brain... :/

running thoughts

Not knowing everything and being happy, versus, knowing more and not being happy... I would rather the latter.

I have been introduced to a lot of new ideas recently and some of them clashed with my old thoughts. ... I thought I am optimistic, but I was told that I am actually pessimistic... I thought I am quite positive, but I was told I am quite negative.. (These two seem to be the same.. haha.. ) ... I don't know who is right, but I do know I feel better back then. ...

But, I did tell myself before that I would like to see new perspectives. .. I will just process those new perspectives and keep which ever that works in allowing me to feel better.. *pat pat on my own shoulder*