I climbed down this looonnnggg flight of stairs only to find out that the doors to the connecting building was locked and i had to climb up the same flight of stairs... :/
Flowers along the rooftop walk.
This is me giving tuition to one of my tuition kids. I don't normally take out my camera during tuitions k... but he's super cute la :p
I was reading through my friend's blog when i saw something quite true... "Who actually bothers to know us beyond what we present daily?" ... I think a lot of people might have this thinking... but, do we do the same for others?
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It is the freedom we give each other that connects us.
In order to illustrate the fact that others are not present in our lives to meet our needs ( even though they may contribute in that regard), i referred to the relationship with my wife for two reasons. The first is that for a long time i was a bachelor, panicking at the idea of emotional commitment and particularly fearing having to meet all the needs of my partner while ignoring my own. In my amorous relationships, as soon as the notion of "couple" threatened to materialize, i managed to sabotaged the relationship, "courageously" relinquishing the decision to the woman i was seeing. Systematically, i would take neither the decision to go on and commit nor the decision to end the relationship and disengage. I now know that my fear was a sign of the following needs:
- The need to be reassured that i could be myself while being with another: not one or the other, but one and the other.
- The need to be able to continue my journey toward myself while going toward another: not only one or the other, but one and the other.
- The need to be able to exchange affection, understanding, and support, without having to assume responsibility for another or risk being taken charge of ( i.e., "mothered") by another.
In a word, the need to be in a relationship with a person with sufficient inner strength and self-esteem to be autonomous and responsible, who would love me for who i am and not for who she might wish me to be and whom i would love for who she is and not for who i might dream she would be.
I did not want to spend the rest of my life responsible for meeting another's needs for affection, security or recognition, nor having another to be there to make good my deficiencies. I therefore had a deep need for both of us to identify and experience those needs ( affection, security, recognition) in order to be sure that if the other person could naturally contribute to meeting them ( doubtless more than any other person), she was not the only one able to do so. This space for freedom, breathing, and trust was indispensable in order for me to be able to commit. Today, i deeply enjoy the blessing of sharing this mutual understanding with my wife. I now know that it is this freedom that we mutually offer that brings us so close to each other.
The second reason i wanted to talk about my relationship with my wife is that i have observed during my individual consultations with so many people, both alone or together, who experience difficulties relating to such issues:
- "I stopped myself from existing so that they could exist, so they wouldn't be afraid, feel abandoned."
- "I haven't allowed myself to be myself ( and besides, i didn't even know that one could be oneself) so as not to upset and worry them."
- "I've forced myself to do the housework and keep my job because i was so fearful of their reaction, insecurity, need for recognition, or social and family integration."
- "I did everything for them; I was stifling myself for them."
- "I dare not be myself when i'm in a relationship; ?I become what the other person expects of me ( or what i think the other person expects of me), or i stay apart, alone."
These difficulties in our relationships could be summed up in one question, which to a greater and greater extent seems to account for a fundamental challenge of our human reality: How can i stay myself while being with another; how can i be with another without ceasing to be myself?
---- quoted from "Being Genuine - Stop being Nice, Start being Real"
Sorry for quoting from this book again but i really think this part is quite share-worthy :o
I can't believe that i teared a bit when i was watching "Get Smart". The 2 main leads were kissing and i just felt touched. I think my tear ducts are a bit damaged.. :s
Anyway, while i was sitting on the bus, which was surprisingly a non air-con one, to school today, there was this girl, sitting at the side, who had long hair and had her back facing the window. Then i had this thought that her hair might get caught in the passing vehicles and she might get pulled along or her hair might be torn out of her head... :s Then this reminded me of some of the other times that i had these weird thoughts :p
- slipping on the wet floor and knocking one's head against the toilet seat or something hard
- earrings or studs getting caught in hair/clothings which passes by
- accidentally getting stapled by a stapler :s
... I can't come up with more ways...shall write another entry when i've got more ideas ba... :p
If there's no water, you'll die of thirst. If there's too much water, you'll die from drowning. If you spend too little time with your loved ones, it's not enough. If you spend too much time with them, they might take you for granted or they might get bored. If you sleep too little, you'll be very very tired. If you sleep too much, it's not good for your health too. If you.... I'm sure you get what i'm saying over here. Too much or too little of anything isn't good for anyone.
But who's to decide how much is too much? ... The answer is you yourself. You'll know it when u... kena it.
"In general, the way people act depends partly on character and disposition, and partly on circumstances. But when we judge the action of others, we tend to make a fundamental error. We attribute too much to personality and character and too little to situation and context.
When it comes to judging our own actions, we make the opposite error and place too much emphasis on circumstances. In other words, we make personal attributions for the behavior of others, while making situational attributions for our own."
"Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. After that, you can say whatever you like, because you are a mile away and you have his shoes."
--- quoted from "Mind Your Body" from today's straits times.
It's true. When bad things happen, I've seen a lot of examples of people blaming the situations and external factors, instead of checking to see whether the fault lies with themselves...
- Miranda and Steve on the Brooklyn Bridge
- "i know i've screwed it up , but i will love you forever."
- Miranda preparing to let Steve take the kid out on New year's Eve, when she was talking to her kid.
Moments that i liked for "Sex and the City"...
Is it really true that, you'll stop being happy when you decide to be happy with that someone? ... Is it because there aren't any expectations before the decision? And after that, expectations aren't met? ...
I'm more afraid of spending time with people i've known for long, but are not familiar with each other anymore, than spending time with strangers. I just don't like to pretend being close to anybody even though we might not know each other well...
Sian diao... My friends saw eye shit at the corner of my eyes twice when we were on the way back after the E group gathering. It's within 10 minutes :/
Signs that show that you don't have enough sleep-
- facial pores grow bigger
- pimples started appearing
- get tired easily
- yawn more
- get agitated easily
- your mind isn't as efficient
- more eye shit appearing at the corner of your eyes :p
