good day to you!

Happiness…. The more you want to aim for happiness, the more you won’t get it. I agree with what a book has said about happiness.. that it can only be stumbled upon. You only come upon it, when you least expect it. I also believe that it is a by-product, not as a result.

While for love.. it isn’t as elusive as happiness. I do believe that it is possible to love and be loved.. a lot easier if your standards are not relatively high.

.

.

.

(Just some random thoughts at this moment) ..I miss having the chance to be jealous of someone’s action. I miss having that standard someone to look for when I am bored. I miss being able to freely express my affection without being misunderstood.

.

.

.

Someone asked me last night as to how to achieve instant happiness or at least, how to achieve happiness quickly. I told him to follow his heart and do whatever the heart tells him to do. You will really feel more comfortable when you stop stopping yourself from doing what you want, just because of “common sense” and “logic”. When you feel more comfortable with yourself, I believe it opens more opportunities for yourself to be happy in the process…

.

.

.

Someone told me that it makes him feel good to wish others a good day or to be given such greetings... said that his school's culture trained him to greet that to their teachers.. Think it's kinda cool and i like it too :o

kid much

I didn't know I still had it in me to

• to be frightened by my friend who was acting like a zombie, beside me..
• to be saddened by my friend's joke when he said he don't want to be my friend anymore..

.. haha.. Nice.. :p

.

.

.

I believe that there will be more acceptance when more people see that everybody else is a main character.

One liners

It just came to me that a schizophrenic could be a schizophrenic just to prevent himself/herself from suffering from the bad extreme..

.
.
.


Recently, I have been walking with my head held high. I really think it is because I didn't want my fringe to cover my forehead.. haha..


.
.
.


Apart from my friend's regular exercise, he started a no-carbo dinner diet one week ago, and it really allowed his face to become slimmer.. Going to try it, whenever it is convenient :o


.
.
.

.
.
.


I love big open skies. I realize that one of the reasons why I want to go overseas, is to look at their skies.


.
.
.


I wonder how many people find me scary... haha..

Wine post

 *caution.. whiny post ahead*

I just feel like I have the power to be numb, but I don't want to. I rather feel sad, then nothing.

I still don't want to compromise the love that I want now. It is not easy trying to be a good person, But I will still be.. I will try..

I feel blue... Need some other bright colours in my life.. haha..

floor bed

Went to "Sauce" for dinner and Haagen Daaz for the cake... Happy Birthday to Candice!! again!!

Jolyn made me so awkward and embarrassed (not in a bad way) that the presents that I bought, are just ordinary items... But I was proud that I chose and bought my own gifts... :p

 Okay, I am going to repeat the same thing that I did yesterday so as to allow me to get into the habit.

I am grateful for the bunches of friends that have always gave me support. Just meeting up Ivy, Terence, Kenneth and Flavian for a while, cheered me up a bit, strengthened me a bit. Junrong was a surprise guest.. haha.. I am kinda grateful that he stayed and accompanied me for a while even when he is supposed to be working :p Another thing I am grateful for, is when my friends share with me about the updates in their lives, and what they really feel about anything.. which always happen whenever I meet up with Candice and Jolyn. I think I am kinda similar to Jolyn, in the sense that, we will try to say out whatever that comes to our mind at that moment, even though we may be at another topic... haha.. Anyway, I wouldn't mind if the three of us were not talking and just chillaxing.. I would still enjoy the company..

Next, what I am going to try to make happen.... (haha.. sounds kinda forced.. but I don't know how to phrase this.. think i need to seek advice from david..)

• as I am going to meet terence, kenneth, ivy, fiona and flavian tmr, I just wanna enjoy the whole company for the whole day!! and contribute to the enjoyment.. 

My habit of sleeping on the floor just because I am tired, happened again.. Woke up an hour ago to shower.. kk... think I should be sleeping now..

Reflect 300512

I am going to try to make this a habit, as what my good friend David has been doing.

Today, I am grateful for

• my Mom who does not impose a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts on me. Even if she did, I am grateful that she is not strong enough to force it onto me... haha..
• my good friend Terence who has high EQ skills and who is always able to make others feel comfortable.
• Terence's friend, Kenneth who was a good and funny company.
• Ivy who treated us to Korean food!!
• Edwin who treats me like his close friend, and who also tries to give me advice while trying not to get angry over the decisions i make.. haha..
• myself for being able to stand up even though my "legs" were weak..

 Next, I would want to

 

•  treat my mom better by giving her more attention each day.
• be a better friend to my good friends, by continuing to be true to them, and to take more initiative to be there for them
• keep on my path to be a better person, by continuing to do what i am doing now. Even results from physical training will take a few days to surface.. so results for the emotional state may take a while too..
• spend less time on distractions each day. e.g. surfing the net for random websites, re-reading manga, less slacking.

Smell actually has a very strong influence on me. Think it's going to take a few

 days for this smell to stop lingering in my brain... :/

running thoughts

Not knowing everything and being happy, versus, knowing more and not being happy... I would rather the latter.

I have been introduced to a lot of new ideas recently and some of them clashed with my old thoughts. ... I thought I am optimistic, but I was told that I am actually pessimistic... I thought I am quite positive, but I was told I am quite negative.. (These two seem to be the same.. haha.. ) ... I don't know who is right, but I do know I feel better back then. ...

But, I did tell myself before that I would like to see new perspectives. .. I will just process those new perspectives and keep which ever that works in allowing me to feel better.. *pat pat on my own shoulder*

no no choice

 While I was out jogging, I had quite a bit of a reflection..

Assuming that we have objective to achieve (a want to fulfill), when we tell ourselves that "we have no choice but to do something" or that "there is no other way but this", we are placing ourselves in a state of helplessness. We are consciously placing limits on ourselves. We are actually telling ourselves that, we have to do this, instead of, we want to do it.

There is a difference between "want to" and "have to". I shall use this latest example that happened to me. My maid went back to her country for a few days and my mom asked me to help her with some of the food preparations for her "Rojak" business. I admit that I told myself that I had no choice to help her, as there were no other available people at home as my sister and brother were working. It was quite a tough 8 days as I kept getting irritated by the tasks that she gave me, as I wanted more time to slack at home or to go out. Come to think of it, I really wanted to help her, as I wanted to do something for her and for the family. If I were to ask myself at the start, whether I really wanted to help her, and I keep reminding myself that I want to, instead of saying that I have no choice but to do those tasks, I would have willingly done everything that she asked me to do.

It is still okay to say that you have no other choice, but there will be side effects. For example, when you burp, it is good to expend the excess gases out but it may be smelly, When the "no choice" card comes out, it is easier to be affected negatively.

To allow yourself to feel better when doing something, always ask yourself... Do you really want to do it?

bad is bad, good is good

Why do i like to punish myself whenever I disappoint others or myself..?



To allow myself to feel better? ... Think I really believed in the adage of "the bad should be punished and the good shall be rewarded." ...

Feelings control

Why are we so afraid of feeling bad? ... Because of hurt? ... What is hurt? ...Why does hurt happen?

... Hurt happens when the things/people we are attached to, are gone or going to be gone. Hurt won't happen when you never allow yourself to get too attached.

... I think it is possible to numb bad feelings.. .. But I want to fully enjoy the full intensity of good feelings.. #dilemma

Light

I want to be the light for the people in my life. I want to be the warm, comfortable, soothing light. No doubt, shadows are cast when there is light, but as long as the light is shining from all angles, the shadows are minimized..

inferiority complex

Inferiority complex causes one to feel not as important, good or intelligent as others. In a more serious form, it causes one to feel lousy in every possible way. Just a simple decision can cause one to feel disappointed in oneself or that, one has disappointed others. It is just a lost cause for anyone or oneself who is trying to feel better.

To speed up the recovery, one can just be calm when "dropping". Just for that period of time, stop struggling and "fall", and accept that you are feeling sad. Keep away from your own thoughts and other people thoughts, and just "fall" peacefully. ( Falling just signifies that one is feeling low.) You can achieve this by occupying your mind with a healthy activity, e.g. going for a short jog, climbing the stairs, playing a game, etc. After not more than an hour, go back and face the issue again.

I tried it and it's true that I do not feel as sad or lousy. Although I made an issue out of something, I don't think I want to solve it now.  I don't know how to solve it. Sometimes, I just think it is evil to have a win-lose situation.... And at the same time, I do not know how to make it a win-win situation.

.

.

.

 

How do I expect normalcy if I do keep creating abnormalities?

irritating me

 Just find it fascinating to look at other people's facial expressions recently...

I saw this at the supermarket just now.. Thought these chocolate games were quite interesting.. haha..

.

.

.

I would like to be more calm when faced with issues that "push my buttons". I would like to listen to other people's point of views before offering mine, if necessary.

solo reflection

I realized that it all kinda works out as to why, most of the time, I do not behave like most people around me. From young, there were cases like, although I like to read comics, I would not start on "Slamdunk" or "Dragonball" even though they were super popular. I just gave myself the reason that I don't want to read it because a lot of people have read them or were reading them. About religion, I just didn't see the need to continue with my family's tradition with Buddhism. Although they were all practising it, apart from not seeing any need, I also did ask myself why I had to be like them. The same question came into my head tons of time as I was growing up. Sometimes, I may behave like the others, but a partial reason would be that I want to fit in.. Fitting in, means being accepted by others. But it is a bit difficult when you are not doing the same things which most people around you are doing.. haha..



Having an open mind means you are flexible to a lot of things and acceptable to a lot of new ideas and behavior (doing it is another matter though). I do believe that I am still like this now, which has resulted in me, not having a lot of fixed stands or opinions. Inside me, I do believe that there is nothing wrong with being like this. Most people believe that all of us have to be fixed in our viewpoints and beliefs though, and sometime I do get swayed and believe them.. But I will feel very awkward after a while, and I will slowly revert back to being open...



It is really okay to think, say and behave in whatever ways you want. But when something (e.g. job requirements, relationship beliefs, etc.) caused you to have a clash inside you, that is when you will start to feel bad, because there will be a contradiction between how you think, and how you behave and what you say. Things will only go on smoothly when your thoughts, words and actions are in line... 讲真的 :o

.
.
.

Okay... enough of the reflections... Photo-sharing time~


wee~~


Such a cute cake!! The figurines are all edible and there's a level 30 flag which stands for the stage level.. Beri cute!!

Thought Vent

Love... Love can mean, sacrificing what you want to allow the other to have what he/she wants.
Love can also mean, being able to freely choose what you want, because this is when you can be yourself.
Which kind of love do you advocate? ....

.
.
.

Pretending... While you are pretending, it just seems like you are looking at yourself behind a glass pane.. Sometimes wondering how you can be that person..

.
.
.

.. Is love present when you just love the person for who he/she is? Or if you love him/her for the qualities that he/she has?

.
.
.

:) I guess blogging does make me feel a bit better. Having all these thoughts in my head, with no one to say it to, is just... blehh.. :s Anyway, these are just some, not all of the thoughts that I remember thinking about.

.
.
.

For this semester, my "tripartite" hasn't been very united.. So I have been feeling "muffled". When will I think, say and do the same thing consciously? ... I miss "myself-ed".

get more points

There are some people who say hurtful words which they don't mean. You just got to learn to filter those words out, and stay calm so as not to aggravate the situation. Most of the time, they would have regretted that those words came out of their mouths.

.
.
.

Slacktivism... David introduced this word to me, telling me that this word somehow reminds him of me. This word actually means doing pointless activities to help in a good cause.. :s I questioned him about this and he exclaimed that he don't know why this word reminded him of me :/

But it got me thinking as to whether the things i am going to do, are pointless. Think I will start to be more aware about this aspect..

.
.
.

There is this recent and reoccurring issue. I remembered that I like being close with friends but I do not socialize well. I think it is because I am quite serious and I don't really know how to crap well. My friend mentioned that I am quite socially-inept.. I was thinking that the first two points which i mentioned, was contradictory. Now, I know it is not. It is something like, I know how to eat my cereal and milk, but i use my hands instead of using a spoon.

.
.
.

I am hungry now... :s

starry expectations

When disagreements occurs.. if the involved parties want solutions, there may be difficulties in telling the involved parties to change or reduce their expectations. But how can we increase the success rate?

• Cool off time - Because some people are irrational when they are emotional, and some may say words which they do not mean..
  
• remind themselves of the BIGGER PICTURE, why they have chosen to be involved at the start
  
• remind them that nothing will be achieved if everyone only thinks of themselves

Expectations are everywhere.. But some are too high for some to reach.. In the end, we just have to ask ourselves what is more important. Our expectations, or the other person/s?

.

.

.

Saw this pile of cigarettes at one of the rubbish bins at Raffles Place. The office people must be damn stressed.. haha..

.

.

.

A photo of us at Turi beach, Batam.

fogged-up

I am going to step out of this fog soon..

I have been told by Mr Bub, that the reason why I have been staying so long in it, is because I have been overwriting my wants, with other people's wants. And my wants kept piling up around me, causing me to feel frustrated... frustrated with life, frustrated with myself..

I have been so used to trying to handle all the things that came to me, that I forgot that I do not have the time to handle everything. Since I do know what to take note of, and I do have a bit more time now... it is time to be reborn.

加油 国容 :o