One liners

It just came to me that a schizophrenic could be a schizophrenic just to prevent himself/herself from suffering from the bad extreme..

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Recently, I have been walking with my head held high. I really think it is because I didn't want my fringe to cover my forehead.. haha..


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Apart from my friend's regular exercise, he started a no-carbo dinner diet one week ago, and it really allowed his face to become slimmer.. Going to try it, whenever it is convenient :o


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I love big open skies. I realize that one of the reasons why I want to go overseas, is to look at their skies.


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I wonder how many people find me scary... haha..

Wine post

 *caution.. whiny post ahead*

I just feel like I have the power to be numb, but I don't want to. I rather feel sad, then nothing.

I still don't want to compromise the love that I want now. It is not easy trying to be a good person, But I will still be.. I will try..

I feel blue... Need some other bright colours in my life.. haha..

floor bed

Went to "Sauce" for dinner and Haagen Daaz for the cake... Happy Birthday to Candice!! again!!

Jolyn made me so awkward and embarrassed (not in a bad way) that the presents that I bought, are just ordinary items... But I was proud that I chose and bought my own gifts... :p

 Okay, I am going to repeat the same thing that I did yesterday so as to allow me to get into the habit.

I am grateful for the bunches of friends that have always gave me support. Just meeting up Ivy, Terence, Kenneth and Flavian for a while, cheered me up a bit, strengthened me a bit. Junrong was a surprise guest.. haha.. I am kinda grateful that he stayed and accompanied me for a while even when he is supposed to be working :p Another thing I am grateful for, is when my friends share with me about the updates in their lives, and what they really feel about anything.. which always happen whenever I meet up with Candice and Jolyn. I think I am kinda similar to Jolyn, in the sense that, we will try to say out whatever that comes to our mind at that moment, even though we may be at another topic... haha.. Anyway, I wouldn't mind if the three of us were not talking and just chillaxing.. I would still enjoy the company..

Next, what I am going to try to make happen.... (haha.. sounds kinda forced.. but I don't know how to phrase this.. think i need to seek advice from david..)

• as I am going to meet terence, kenneth, ivy, fiona and flavian tmr, I just wanna enjoy the whole company for the whole day!! and contribute to the enjoyment.. 

My habit of sleeping on the floor just because I am tired, happened again.. Woke up an hour ago to shower.. kk... think I should be sleeping now..

Reflect 300512

I am going to try to make this a habit, as what my good friend David has been doing.

Today, I am grateful for

• my Mom who does not impose a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts on me. Even if she did, I am grateful that she is not strong enough to force it onto me... haha..
• my good friend Terence who has high EQ skills and who is always able to make others feel comfortable.
• Terence's friend, Kenneth who was a good and funny company.
• Ivy who treated us to Korean food!!
• Edwin who treats me like his close friend, and who also tries to give me advice while trying not to get angry over the decisions i make.. haha..
• myself for being able to stand up even though my "legs" were weak..

 Next, I would want to

 

•  treat my mom better by giving her more attention each day.
• be a better friend to my good friends, by continuing to be true to them, and to take more initiative to be there for them
• keep on my path to be a better person, by continuing to do what i am doing now. Even results from physical training will take a few days to surface.. so results for the emotional state may take a while too..
• spend less time on distractions each day. e.g. surfing the net for random websites, re-reading manga, less slacking.

Smell actually has a very strong influence on me. Think it's going to take a few

 days for this smell to stop lingering in my brain... :/

running thoughts

Not knowing everything and being happy, versus, knowing more and not being happy... I would rather the latter.

I have been introduced to a lot of new ideas recently and some of them clashed with my old thoughts. ... I thought I am optimistic, but I was told that I am actually pessimistic... I thought I am quite positive, but I was told I am quite negative.. (These two seem to be the same.. haha.. ) ... I don't know who is right, but I do know I feel better back then. ...

But, I did tell myself before that I would like to see new perspectives. .. I will just process those new perspectives and keep which ever that works in allowing me to feel better.. *pat pat on my own shoulder*

no no choice

 While I was out jogging, I had quite a bit of a reflection..

Assuming that we have objective to achieve (a want to fulfill), when we tell ourselves that "we have no choice but to do something" or that "there is no other way but this", we are placing ourselves in a state of helplessness. We are consciously placing limits on ourselves. We are actually telling ourselves that, we have to do this, instead of, we want to do it.

There is a difference between "want to" and "have to". I shall use this latest example that happened to me. My maid went back to her country for a few days and my mom asked me to help her with some of the food preparations for her "Rojak" business. I admit that I told myself that I had no choice to help her, as there were no other available people at home as my sister and brother were working. It was quite a tough 8 days as I kept getting irritated by the tasks that she gave me, as I wanted more time to slack at home or to go out. Come to think of it, I really wanted to help her, as I wanted to do something for her and for the family. If I were to ask myself at the start, whether I really wanted to help her, and I keep reminding myself that I want to, instead of saying that I have no choice but to do those tasks, I would have willingly done everything that she asked me to do.

It is still okay to say that you have no other choice, but there will be side effects. For example, when you burp, it is good to expend the excess gases out but it may be smelly, When the "no choice" card comes out, it is easier to be affected negatively.

To allow yourself to feel better when doing something, always ask yourself... Do you really want to do it?

bad is bad, good is good

Why do i like to punish myself whenever I disappoint others or myself..?



To allow myself to feel better? ... Think I really believed in the adage of "the bad should be punished and the good shall be rewarded." ...

Feelings control

Why are we so afraid of feeling bad? ... Because of hurt? ... What is hurt? ...Why does hurt happen?

... Hurt happens when the things/people we are attached to, are gone or going to be gone. Hurt won't happen when you never allow yourself to get too attached.

... I think it is possible to numb bad feelings.. .. But I want to fully enjoy the full intensity of good feelings.. #dilemma

Light

I want to be the light for the people in my life. I want to be the warm, comfortable, soothing light. No doubt, shadows are cast when there is light, but as long as the light is shining from all angles, the shadows are minimized..

inferiority complex

Inferiority complex causes one to feel not as important, good or intelligent as others. In a more serious form, it causes one to feel lousy in every possible way. Just a simple decision can cause one to feel disappointed in oneself or that, one has disappointed others. It is just a lost cause for anyone or oneself who is trying to feel better.

To speed up the recovery, one can just be calm when "dropping". Just for that period of time, stop struggling and "fall", and accept that you are feeling sad. Keep away from your own thoughts and other people thoughts, and just "fall" peacefully. ( Falling just signifies that one is feeling low.) You can achieve this by occupying your mind with a healthy activity, e.g. going for a short jog, climbing the stairs, playing a game, etc. After not more than an hour, go back and face the issue again.

I tried it and it's true that I do not feel as sad or lousy. Although I made an issue out of something, I don't think I want to solve it now.  I don't know how to solve it. Sometimes, I just think it is evil to have a win-lose situation.... And at the same time, I do not know how to make it a win-win situation.

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How do I expect normalcy if I do keep creating abnormalities?