Reflect 300512

I am going to try to make this a habit, as what my good friend David has been doing.

Today, I am grateful for

• my Mom who does not impose a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts on me. Even if she did, I am grateful that she is not strong enough to force it onto me... haha..
• my good friend Terence who has high EQ skills and who is always able to make others feel comfortable.
• Terence's friend, Kenneth who was a good and funny company.
• Ivy who treated us to Korean food!!
• Edwin who treats me like his close friend, and who also tries to give me advice while trying not to get angry over the decisions i make.. haha..
• myself for being able to stand up even though my "legs" were weak..

 Next, I would want to

 

•  treat my mom better by giving her more attention each day.
• be a better friend to my good friends, by continuing to be true to them, and to take more initiative to be there for them
• keep on my path to be a better person, by continuing to do what i am doing now. Even results from physical training will take a few days to surface.. so results for the emotional state may take a while too..
• spend less time on distractions each day. e.g. surfing the net for random websites, re-reading manga, less slacking.

Smell actually has a very strong influence on me. Think it's going to take a few

 days for this smell to stop lingering in my brain... :/

running thoughts

Not knowing everything and being happy, versus, knowing more and not being happy... I would rather the latter.

I have been introduced to a lot of new ideas recently and some of them clashed with my old thoughts. ... I thought I am optimistic, but I was told that I am actually pessimistic... I thought I am quite positive, but I was told I am quite negative.. (These two seem to be the same.. haha.. ) ... I don't know who is right, but I do know I feel better back then. ...

But, I did tell myself before that I would like to see new perspectives. .. I will just process those new perspectives and keep which ever that works in allowing me to feel better.. *pat pat on my own shoulder*

no no choice

 While I was out jogging, I had quite a bit of a reflection..

Assuming that we have objective to achieve (a want to fulfill), when we tell ourselves that "we have no choice but to do something" or that "there is no other way but this", we are placing ourselves in a state of helplessness. We are consciously placing limits on ourselves. We are actually telling ourselves that, we have to do this, instead of, we want to do it.

There is a difference between "want to" and "have to". I shall use this latest example that happened to me. My maid went back to her country for a few days and my mom asked me to help her with some of the food preparations for her "Rojak" business. I admit that I told myself that I had no choice to help her, as there were no other available people at home as my sister and brother were working. It was quite a tough 8 days as I kept getting irritated by the tasks that she gave me, as I wanted more time to slack at home or to go out. Come to think of it, I really wanted to help her, as I wanted to do something for her and for the family. If I were to ask myself at the start, whether I really wanted to help her, and I keep reminding myself that I want to, instead of saying that I have no choice but to do those tasks, I would have willingly done everything that she asked me to do.

It is still okay to say that you have no other choice, but there will be side effects. For example, when you burp, it is good to expend the excess gases out but it may be smelly, When the "no choice" card comes out, it is easier to be affected negatively.

To allow yourself to feel better when doing something, always ask yourself... Do you really want to do it?

bad is bad, good is good

Why do i like to punish myself whenever I disappoint others or myself..?



To allow myself to feel better? ... Think I really believed in the adage of "the bad should be punished and the good shall be rewarded." ...

Feelings control

Why are we so afraid of feeling bad? ... Because of hurt? ... What is hurt? ...Why does hurt happen?

... Hurt happens when the things/people we are attached to, are gone or going to be gone. Hurt won't happen when you never allow yourself to get too attached.

... I think it is possible to numb bad feelings.. .. But I want to fully enjoy the full intensity of good feelings.. #dilemma

Light

I want to be the light for the people in my life. I want to be the warm, comfortable, soothing light. No doubt, shadows are cast when there is light, but as long as the light is shining from all angles, the shadows are minimized..

inferiority complex

Inferiority complex causes one to feel not as important, good or intelligent as others. In a more serious form, it causes one to feel lousy in every possible way. Just a simple decision can cause one to feel disappointed in oneself or that, one has disappointed others. It is just a lost cause for anyone or oneself who is trying to feel better.

To speed up the recovery, one can just be calm when "dropping". Just for that period of time, stop struggling and "fall", and accept that you are feeling sad. Keep away from your own thoughts and other people thoughts, and just "fall" peacefully. ( Falling just signifies that one is feeling low.) You can achieve this by occupying your mind with a healthy activity, e.g. going for a short jog, climbing the stairs, playing a game, etc. After not more than an hour, go back and face the issue again.

I tried it and it's true that I do not feel as sad or lousy. Although I made an issue out of something, I don't think I want to solve it now.  I don't know how to solve it. Sometimes, I just think it is evil to have a win-lose situation.... And at the same time, I do not know how to make it a win-win situation.

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How do I expect normalcy if I do keep creating abnormalities?

irritating me

 Just find it fascinating to look at other people's facial expressions recently...

I saw this at the supermarket just now.. Thought these chocolate games were quite interesting.. haha..

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I would like to be more calm when faced with issues that "push my buttons". I would like to listen to other people's point of views before offering mine, if necessary.

solo reflection

I realized that it all kinda works out as to why, most of the time, I do not behave like most people around me. From young, there were cases like, although I like to read comics, I would not start on "Slamdunk" or "Dragonball" even though they were super popular. I just gave myself the reason that I don't want to read it because a lot of people have read them or were reading them. About religion, I just didn't see the need to continue with my family's tradition with Buddhism. Although they were all practising it, apart from not seeing any need, I also did ask myself why I had to be like them. The same question came into my head tons of time as I was growing up. Sometimes, I may behave like the others, but a partial reason would be that I want to fit in.. Fitting in, means being accepted by others. But it is a bit difficult when you are not doing the same things which most people around you are doing.. haha..



Having an open mind means you are flexible to a lot of things and acceptable to a lot of new ideas and behavior (doing it is another matter though). I do believe that I am still like this now, which has resulted in me, not having a lot of fixed stands or opinions. Inside me, I do believe that there is nothing wrong with being like this. Most people believe that all of us have to be fixed in our viewpoints and beliefs though, and sometime I do get swayed and believe them.. But I will feel very awkward after a while, and I will slowly revert back to being open...



It is really okay to think, say and behave in whatever ways you want. But when something (e.g. job requirements, relationship beliefs, etc.) caused you to have a clash inside you, that is when you will start to feel bad, because there will be a contradiction between how you think, and how you behave and what you say. Things will only go on smoothly when your thoughts, words and actions are in line... 讲真的 :o

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Okay... enough of the reflections... Photo-sharing time~


wee~~


Such a cute cake!! The figurines are all edible and there's a level 30 flag which stands for the stage level.. Beri cute!!

Thought Vent

Love... Love can mean, sacrificing what you want to allow the other to have what he/she wants.
Love can also mean, being able to freely choose what you want, because this is when you can be yourself.
Which kind of love do you advocate? ....

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Pretending... While you are pretending, it just seems like you are looking at yourself behind a glass pane.. Sometimes wondering how you can be that person..

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.. Is love present when you just love the person for who he/she is? Or if you love him/her for the qualities that he/she has?

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:) I guess blogging does make me feel a bit better. Having all these thoughts in my head, with no one to say it to, is just... blehh.. :s Anyway, these are just some, not all of the thoughts that I remember thinking about.

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For this semester, my "tripartite" hasn't been very united.. So I have been feeling "muffled". When will I think, say and do the same thing consciously? ... I miss "myself-ed".