heartbreak hotel

-quoted from andy's blog

"For many of us, heartbreak is almost a rite of a passage. Relationships are complex and delicate things that most people do not get right the first time.

When someone we love wants to leave us, we typically go through these emotional stages - at first we may want to focus on the behaviour and feel victimised by a betrayal or lies. We may go through many stages like anger, revenge, guilt, violence, depression or jealousy. We might even feel unattractive, sexually inadequate, boring or stupid, all of which self-blaming.

If we peel away the layers and keep asking ourselves where the pain is coming from, we will find that it is not the opinion of the other person that causes the pain. Rather, it is our acceptance of the opinion. People do not give you love, and they do not take love away from you. You choose the degree of flow between yourself and another.

The other great misunderstanding is the belief in a one and only. The idea that love is only real or valid when it is a partnership relationship is very, very limited and downright damaging. We become tunnel-visioned and grossly restricted in a belief that there is only one person or one love available to us. Not only do we expect all of our love to come from only one person, we also expect that they must love us exclusively and forever.

Also, we accept that change is an unavoidable fact of life, but we still insist that love will never change. We insist on an impossible promise and self-destruct when the promise is broken. When friends move on we accept it because we did not have unrealistic expectations to begin with. Our children grow up and move on and we encourage it; we do not take it a a betrayal nor no we interpret it as rejection of ourselves.

One person' ability or inability to love you does not make you any more or any less than you are. Your value as a lovable and worthwhile person is not determined by the opinion of only one other person. Your supply of love, and your ability to love, is not in the control of another person.

Only love can replenish love, and even if you feel you are faking it at first, it is most important to get back your flow. Be loving with yourself, treat yourself the way your ex-partner should have treated you, and treat yourself the way you wanted to treat your ex-partner.

Do not forget the love you share with family and friends, and allow that to expand. Stretch loving moments and experiences; give and take compliments and kindnesses; imbible beauty and extend pleasure. Recall your energy and bring it back into yourself. If you really do believe there is only one love for you and you are capable of loving only that one person forever, then make that one person yourself."