how to make someone cool

If you don't really know what to say to an angry person, or if most of the times, you tend to aggravate the person even more, and you would like the person not to get even angrier, you could try out these few tips and see whether it works for you...

Try to keep from saying these 5 phrases to someone who is angry..

Calm down: Most of the times, when we see someone being angry, upset, or in a heightened emotional state, we will say "calm down!" This phrase, to most, insinuates that the person has no legitimate reason to be upset or emotional. So most often, the person will become more upset and he will spend more time defending his reason for being upset in the first place, which just amplifies his frustration or anger. Instead, you can try phrases like, "I see you're upset, is there anything I can do to help?" Remember, conflicts are never resolved when the person is still upset.

What do you want me to do about it: When we say this, it is telling others that we're not going to help them and it's not our problem. It also infers that we don't care and others might even think that we're hinting that they are unreasonable for expecting us to help them. Instead, you can try phrases like, " How can i help?" or "Is there anything I can do to help?" If we are in any way to blame for what happened, apologise... with sincerity.

Grow up or Be rational: These have the same effect as saying "Stop acting so childishly" and "You're an idiot!" At that particular moment when he is angry or upset, that person feels justified in feeling the way he feels, and calling him "childish" will worsen the situation. Instead, try saying in a concerned voice:"Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" or "What's wrong?" These phrases will help pacify the person's emotions, allowing him to settle down.

What's your problem: This phrase - usually accompanied by an offensive tone, a facial expression that screams "disdain" towards the other person and an emphasis on the word "your" - immediately sets up a "me versus you" dynamic. The other problem is that this phrase points to the other person as the source of whatever is wrong, which almost always leads to that person feeling the need to defend himself. Instead, try using, "What's wrong?" or "What's the matter?" These phrases communicate empathy and concern and will help the person begin to deal with the problem without provoking him.

But: Do not follow any of the above-suggested phrases with "but". This negates the previous statement, causing people to both disregard the previous statement and to interpret whatever is coming next as negative. Substituting "and" for "but" will make you much more effective.

When you use these phrases while looking people in the eye with a calm expression and a disarming tone - and keep "but" out of harm's way - you will be able to effectively cool people down when things get hot.

--- paraphrased from today's Strait's Times

A bit of cam-whoring at the new building beside somerset MRT.

E. Honda taught me this skill :o