pre 2015

I get really defensive and guilty when somebody feels bad in any situation involving to me. It seems that I want to take responsibility for that.

Think it is due to myself, wanting to meet the expectations of what others have of me. This is one of the reasons why I don't like to know too many people, as it is a bad habit of mine to meet their expectations of me.

I know I cannot blame others for me wanting to meet their expectations, and getting stressed along the way. I have to learn to do things within my means.

Things will change, and I know I am kinda resistant to it. But changes happen due to everybody/everything adjusting to each other.. kinda like every one and thing is matching up to each other's expectations.. haha..

but.. there are people that I treasure and I sure hope that I will not lose any of them when I have changes in my life or when i am changing.

I love b, and my close friends and family.

In this new year 2015, may everyone have the strength to overcome any obstacles, the health to enjoy whatever we are all doing, and the love to care for ourselves and the people around us :o

Pull

So suddenly, for a while, I could feel myself feeling the impermanence of everything.. I just wanted to let it drag me with it, along with the flow, coz I just felt a bit tired and jaded.

But I remembered that I want to grow in this life, to handle things differently so that I will not stay stagnant...

Self thought: what if I change until a version of my past self? ..
Self thought inside a self thought: does it matter? As long as it works for me in that situation, it will be a good version.

... :8

----------------------------------------------------------

Knowing is one matter. Experiencing it is another. Some of us think we know a lot, but, I believe we will never really know until we experience it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Will there...? Can it be....?

.. There will.. And it can be :o

... Just rambling nonsense :8

Wait long long, love more more?

I feel like I have always been giving myself whatever I want, resulting in myself having lesser patience in waiting for the things I want.

I want to feel how it is like to wait for a long time for something that I want. Will it make me appreciate the thing more?

Time to not give myself what I want immediately?

Reflection

I am sure this case has happened to most people..

When one of your friends asked a few common friends out, but didn't ask you along..

My first reaction just now, is that I was kinda hurt. Then I asked myself what I did, to deserve it.

But after that, I remembered that I did such things before :8

My reasons for asking specific friends and not all:
1) interest in that particular activity
2) easier to ask a few out
3) comfort level
4) easier to communicate

So I wanted to blog this out, so as to better help me choose how I should react to similar situations next time.

I will not choose to get as close to many people as possible so that I will be included in all activities.

I will be proactive in asking different people out.

I will remember the few reasons why I choose to ask a few ppl out, so as to accept why others do the same thing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing the top part of my blog entry, makes me feel that I am childish. Why should I bother about this when I should be focusing on other things like my career, family? ...

Should i? ...

Is it like spending energy on worthless things like watching ants walking along the side, or counting the number of people entering a station?

------------------------

My top three permanent priorities in life:
1) Health
2) Self
3) Relationships

Have I been doing enough for these 3? ..

Nope..

Okay, let's set a target for these 3 priorities.

1) Health - apart from my daily 10 min workout, I will go for a run or play a sport twice a week.

2) Self - implement/learn something new each week for myself, to help me grow

3) Relationship - to meet or chat up with a different friend each week

SM nature

When we do something wrong, shd we be punished?

Is it immoral to not be punished?

----------------------------------------------------------------

When someone does something wrong to you, hurt you.. Would you want the person to be punished before forgiving that person?

------------------------------------------------------------------

The other day, we had a conversation in school during contact time. The head was talking about the case of the teacher breaching the teacher-student boundary, where he did something with his female student.

My colleague was sharing with me his opinion on how harsh our employer seem to be, due to the focus of the conversation on how bad the teacher is, and how he should be punished. My colleague felt that more focus should be on the rehabilitation and the forgiving of the male teacher. He was also questioning the nature of our society now, about how unforgiving it seems to be.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Do we really want punishment to befall on ourselves or others if we do something wrong?

Do we need punishment to right a wrong or to prevent the next wrong?

Short term = Short-changed?

“开心就好” seems to be an overrated phrase nowadays, judging from how some people use it.

Examples:
- To allow oneself in indulging in short term pleasures and in turn, stop oneself from finishing one's work
- To allow oneself to rest and stop oneself from going for training as one is lazy and tired
- To break up with a partner as one feels tired and doesn't want to put in effort to work out the differences
- To totally ignore the advice from loved ones, as it seems difficult to reflect on one's actions

It just seems to me that some times, people just wants to be happy in the short term.

There is nothing wrong with it.

I guess I am affected as I would prefer myself to grow, to break out of my comfort zone, and sometimes I impose my beliefs on others.

There is nothing wrong with people wanting short term happiness all the time until they leave the world. It doesn't mean that they will be less happier than others. It also doesn't mean they cannot get what they want, out of their lives.

I will be disciplined and grow. I will not depend on others to influence me and remind me to achieve my long term happiness.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I am ready the most when I was with you, but I guess I am not ready enough..

Grey

The title doesn't describe how I feel. But it describes how I think, most of the time now.

I have always been in the grey area. There isn't any black and white. A good thing is that i am very open towards any thinking. A bad thing is that, I will be easily contented being on any side of the fence.

There are things that I want. But I wouldn't be able to achieve them if I keep thinking that I am okay like this. I keep telling myself that I am fine being the way I am now.

I don't want to be contented with what I have now. I want to grow. I want to level up. I want to be disciplined to be able to achieve my targets...

... I will be.

Karma Boomerang

5 days of eating fast food in a week = pimples galore :8

Gonna keep fried food out of my diet for these few days.. hopefully weeks..


I hope brown bee hoon can be considered as a non-fried food though :8 (one of my daily staples in school)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't believe most people are of a hurtful nature. .. But some take it upon themselves to administer "justice" on others, so as to balance the scales.. or so they say.

Who are we to say whether the scales are balanced? How do we know whether the scales are leaning more towards which side, without knowing the other side of the story?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What you give out, you will get back.

Think it is better to give out love, than hate :o

Love

I love spontaneity.

I love laughing.

I love tearing at touching shows, stories.

I love looking at looking at the sky and clouds, once in a while.

I love it when my brave frontier units uses their bb in the arena.. :p

I love it when I level up.

I love it when i make my friends laugh... which is not that often :8

I love it when people get me and accept me.

I love it when I remember/know that I am special :p

I love it when i connect with the people around me.



What do you love?

Understand?

I just get high when others or articles manage to describe some aspect of me.

Am I happy because
1) Is it because they understand me a bit more?
2) Or because I understand myself a bit more?

How long haven't you tried to understand someone else? instead of assuming you know how they think?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People do change. Their thoughts do change over time. Instead of stereotyping them into the past impression that you had of them, maybe once in a while, you can try to understand them, again? Maybe they will also appreciate you believing that, they can be the better person that they want to be.

Sharing this image from the Liar Game manga..

Ownership

I really really really don't like people who do not take responsibility of their own actions.

I will learn and keep improving on how to be a better communicator so as to allow those people to understand what they are doing.





... Is there a need for me to tell them that they are not taking responsibility of their own actions? ... I don't know.

Would saying that taking responsibility of your own actions, actually empowers you with the knowledge that you are in control of your own fate, actually makes the argument more attractive? But why would these people want to be in control of their own fate?

... What if they don't believe that they can be in control of their own fate? ...





... I am kinda stuck here.. I don't know how to convince this bunch of people to take responsibility of their own actions. Can someone give me some guidance? .. :8

Right

None of us have any right to anything. Please appreciate what you have, while you have it. Everything is really not that permanent.

我失控了

I lost it... Just lost it. When that happened..

I was feeling really guilty because what I did, didn't improve the situation. Someone was just trying to vent. But I stopped it, with my actions.

I was feeling guilty also because I should have allowed the venting to take place. But I didn't allow it. All because I cannot stand seeing someone allowing oneself to become "sadder". But I may have made things worse.

I felt really bad.

I feel.. just bad now.

Next time.. If there is a next time, I will control myself from stopping any venting, from anyone.
Unless, the situation gets a lot of times worse than the start.

Legitimate Photo

There is a difference between people who take/post lots of selfies, and people who take/post photos of/with friends.

I am trying to consider the following reasons
1) people who take/post selfies
    a) only think that they are the best, and want to share themselves with the world, or
    b) are trying to get affirmations from others
    c) don't dare to ask others to take photos with them
    d) don't dare to ask others for permission to post the photos up
    e) Want to show themselves and others that they are present in the current reality. (存在感）
    f) for no reason :6


2) people who take/post/ photos with/of friends
    a) don't think they are important enough to take up just one photo for themselves
    b) to show/remind themselves or others they have friends, that they are popular
    c) to show/remind themselves or others that they are not alone
    d) for no reason :8

I guess all the above reasons are kinda legitimate, and there should be a lot more other reasons.

Connections

I do not have any friends who are working as chefs or personal assistants for rich people. Think it will be quite interesting to have cookouts with chef friends and to ask the personal assistants about their experiences with their employers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What kind of person do i envision myself to be? ...

1) I will be a genuine person (to the best of my abilities :8),
2) who accepts all people (will try my best :6) ,
3) who will still always be wowed by new experiences (does it mean that it will be good for me to spread out my new experiences?)...

...let me refer back to my blog profile for some reminders.. :6

okay okay..
4) to allow myself and people around me to feel better, if not good, about ourselves (in a healthy manner)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link about visualization:
http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/jim-carrey-is-about-to-blow-your-mind-the-power-of-intention-and-visualization/

Jim Carrey:
Thought is one of the things that causes our suffering. (Totally agree.)
Who is aware of how we are thinking? (Only ourselves.)
I am the Universe. (woo yahh!!)

You can totally intend the life you want for yourself. :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anything can happen, good or bad, But it is how you react and manage these things, that shape your reality, and in turn, shape the world you are in.

Just think of the infinite possibilities that you can do with your life if you were to make conscious choices all the time..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am thankful for all the people that I have around me now, and all the people I had around me. I have learnt so much things from them. I feel guilty of not getting in contact with a few of them.. :s

Here are most of them here..





 

 



 










 



 


 







.... hahah... just spent around an hour looking for these photos... so mannyyyyy... think there are many others too.. just that, these ppl are the ones that I have spent more moments with, during one period or another.. I miss everyone of them here. Think maybe I will send them a "good day" msg again.. haha... haven't done that in a few years..

Social affirmation

It is so easy to get affirmations for one's beliefs nowadays.. Number of likes,  Google searches,  friends' or strangers' posts..

So in the past, are there more people who are less confident in what they think because it was difficult for them to find like-minded people? Or are there more people who were more sure of what they know because there were lesser avenues of others' opinions?

------------------------------------------------------------

I wonder how do people from the older generations get their fix if they need attention? Maybe they don't care about such things because there were not many avenues for these sort of things.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I bet these questions can be solved if I just Google or do research in the library..  :8

If anyone do bother to find out,  do share with me...  :8

Attention outlet

In a bid to get some attention and maybe to vent what I have to say, here I am again.. haha..

I just had this sudden realization that I have always been trying to clamp down on my attention needs. Maybe deep in my subconsciousness, I think it is wrong to ask or get attention freely from others. But, for a period after trying to prevent myself from asking for attention directly or indirectly, I will always feel that my mental state will get stuck in a lethargic state. It can be compared to being in the water where your movements are not as free.... I guess this is not a good thing?

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/21/attention-factor-oliver-burkeman-this-column-change-your-life

After reading through the article, I agreed with the words in it. Especially this, "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde.

I have always have this principle in my head. A person is worse off if you choose to ignore and feel unaffected by his words and actions. So, I have the same idea as Oscar Wilde.. :p

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recently again, I think I had a misunderstanding with my friend. On hindsight, I was angry at the point that although no one had any bad intentions, bad feelings had to arise.

Why?? Why??

... :/

In general situations like this, have I ever initiated the rise of bad feelings? I wouldn't want to. But maybe I was a direct or indirect cause :s

What are the possible reasons?
- Personal agendas?
- Hurting of 'soft spots'?
- Insult?
- Verbal or mental abuse?

I will take note of these next time ba...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss sharing all these thoughts that I have.. Feels so comfortable that I have just vented them out.. :)