After today's Meranti, I realized a lot of things about myself. About how I became the person I am now. I am just going to share this out so that I will remember what I learnt today.
in the first five years of my life, I grew up in my aunt's home. I forgot whether I went back home.. For the main part of my children-life, I didn't feel that my parents showed me a lot of care and concern.. If any of you know about the bronfenbrenner's circle, the immediate circle outside me, the thing that impacted me most directly, was books. I like to read :o and I guess I took the characters in the books as role models.. And if you have read any books before, you will know that the main characters always display the correct values and character... So, I know what the proper way to behave, is. But I feel this isn't enough. My self-identity wasn't strong enough, and till today... maybe it is due to the lack of affirmations that I had when I was young. Between p4 and secondary school, I was the attention seeking boy. From going into the class early in the morning to scare people, to bringing of toys to class and playing tricks on a few unsuspecting teachers.. Maybe getting attention is a way of affirming that I am something..?
In my primary school, I used to get good grades. As I didn't feel motivated to study, my grades just began to drop, and stayed low all the way till Junior College. I was in a good primary school and secondary school but I guess I took them all for granted. I just flitted through life like a ghost. And I think, being the introvert that I am, I kept thinking about myself, how others view me and I didn't really bother myself about the outside world. I think I took a lot of external help and factors for granted. And I didn't have any attachments with anything or any person. No favourite activity, no favourite hobby, no favourite person...
it was only in the army that I started realizing that family is important. Guess it was because it was the first time that I was away from a familiar environment for so long...
In university when I was studying civil engineering, again, I had no motivation until the last semester when I studied this module called "conditioning of physical fitness". It made me realize that actually, I was able to have interest in studying. Guess this was one of the factors that encouraged me to take up teaching physical education as a career.
I guess fate has its mysterious ways of working its power. From the first email advert about the recruitment of primary school PE teachers, to the signing of bond.. Seriously, I wasn't sure about becoming a PE teacher before this Meranti course. Now I realized that, it could be a chance for me to fill up this gap in my life, by showing attention, giving affirmations, motivating my students, while providing them with an education in academics and values.
*On hindsight,
- the lack of showing of care and concern by my parents, may be because they're the traditional kind who doesn't express their love freely, or they may not know how to express it.
- I will remember to affirm actions and behavior of people.
- And I will appreciate all the good things that are happening in my life now, no matter whether they are external or internal factors.
Anyway, I felt that sharing of life journeys is a way of telling each other that we all have our own struggles, and we got through them, and this is no different from whatever that will happen in the future... And me, who thought that i was quite aware of myself, realized that i never did sit down and reflect through seriously about how i got to be who I am now. If you decide to try it, and are okay with it, you could share with me and some others your life journey. You never know whether the people who are going to be affected by it, will get to read your story...
